Third Campaigner Challenge – Show Not Tell

I know I’m late for the last Challenge of Rachael Harrie’s Platform Building Campaign, but the kids are on holiday so I took a week off. I’m just in time though to enter my final story for this challenge. If you like it, head over to Rachael’s Blog and vote for me. I’m number 116.

Here are the rules:

Write a blog post in 300 words or less, excluding the title. The post can be in any format, whether flash fiction, non-fiction, humorous blog musings, poem, etc. The blog post should show:

  • – that it’s morning,
  • – that a man or a woman (or both) is at the beach
  • – that the MC (main character) is bored
  • – that something stinks behind where he/she is sitting
  • – that something surprising happens.

Just for fun, see if you can involve all five senses AND include these random words: “synbatec,” “wastopaneer,” and “tacise.”   (NB. these words are completely made up and are not intended to have any meaning other than the one you give them).

Here is my entry. I’m not sure if I got the boring bit right, but I got everything else in, and it’s exactly 300 words. Have fun.
my signature

Morning has broken

I kicked the pebbles and watched them fly into the gently breaking waves. In the distance, the sea sparkled but close to the beach, its sheen seemed dull. I should have known she wouldn’t come. Not only didn’t she talk to boys, ever, this part of the beach smelled like rotting garbage, and the water carried brown sludge from Dad’s sewage factory. His slogan still rang in my ears.

Synbatec – Cleanliness everyone can afford

Hah! I dug my bare feet into the sand, cooling grains mixed with water squeezed through my toes. I loved this feeling but hated the effort of rubbing them clean later. The sun burned my face and helped me suppress my tears. I had wanted her to come more than anything in the world. I needed her to see what Dad really did when he “cleaned” the waste water. She would have known what to do. After all, she and her father featured eminently in the news – he being a famous actor and an environmental activist. They could tactise something that would keep Dad out of jail and end the pollution.

With my eyes still closed, I strained my ears for footsteps, but not even seagulls came to this godforsaken place. I sighed, opened my eyes, and gagged on a foul taste. A hairy hand pressed a wet, sweet smelling cloth to my mouth. My vision blurred, but I recognized the butterfly tattoo on the man’s forearm. Every Wastopaneer Environmentalist wore it. I relaxed and sucked in the sweet odor of the sleeping drug. If they had to kidnap me to stop Dad’s toxic waste, I wouldn’t put up a fight. From the corner of my eyes, I saw her. She smiled at me, and her smile stayed with me when darkness claimed me.

21 thoughts on “Third Campaigner Challenge – Show Not Tell”

  1. Hey, Katerina

    Really enjoyed this story. Thank you for it

    I’m a judge in the challenge, and I’m happy to inform you you’ve picked to move on to the next round.

    Congrats and good luck!

    Dan

    1. Cat says:

      I’m still delighted. 😀

    2. Capatin says:

      Kick the tires and light the fires, pbrolem officially solved!

  2. Shelly Brown says:

    I’m a judge in the third campaigners challenge and you have moved into the second phase of judging! Big congrats!!!

    1. Cat says:

      Thanks a lot. I’m delighted.

  3. Jess says:

    I love how you brought the entire piece together at the end! Everything fit together so nicely! Loved it! I took an environmental take on the challenge too!! Nice to meet you 🙂

    I’m entry #5

    1. Cat says:

      I’ll check it out tonight. Glad you liked mine.

  4. K.T. Hanna says:

    Love the way you added the words and completed the piece. Great idea behind this one. I’m secretly glad your MC didn’t mind being taken to stop the father’s deeds.

    And thank you for offering the anthology opportunity.

    1. Cat says:

      You’re welcome.

  5. Great way to add ’em words. Nice job.

    1. Gert says:

      Grade A stuff. I’m unqusteoinably in your debt.

      1. Cat says:

        I wouldn’t call it debt, rather you’re in my boat. 😀

  6. An interseting take on this. Nicely done. Mine is #56

    1. Cat says:

      interseting? love the word. 😉

  7. “‘Synbatec – Cleanliness everyone can afford‘” Brilliant! 🙂
    Interest twist, being kidnapped by environmentalists. Excellent work.

    1. Cat says:

      Glad you like it. I thought this was the hardest challenge but I loved the made up words.

  8. Wow, I really liked this! Love the way you used the words and wanted to read more! Good job! ; )

    1. Cat says:

      Thank you.

  9. Jen says:

    A co-operative kidnapping victim – I definitely want to know what happens next!
    Mine is #25.

    1. Cat says:

      Yes, it’s surprising what the mind comes up with. 😉

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