Can You Leave Us Breathless Blogfest

Brenda Drake organized this blogfest to see if we can create tension in a mere 300 words. I don’t know if it worked but I hope so. Judge for yourself. This is a snippet from my current RiP (Revision in Progress). For your information, the Beast is a daemon, Snoop is more or less a dog, and Mr. Jake is Tom’s mentor:

Tom’s eyes filled with tears as Mr. Jake was pulled back into the Beast dragging Snoop along.

“I can’t do it alone!” Tom stood frozen to the spot, a few steps outside the ward. The Beast turned and walked toward him.

“Snoop, save Tom.” Mr. Jake’s command rang louder than the Beast’s roar. Snoop let him go and jumped the monster from the side, just as it pounced on Tom.

“Love conquers all.” Mr. Jake vanished in the Beast’s fog.

Tom nearly didn’t hear his final comment. A tendril of mist wound itself around his foot. He felt the dizziness he had experienced once before, when the Beast had tried to steal his memories. Snoop’s strong jaws sliced through the fog and Tom stumbled backwards. He landed on his bottom with a thud.

“Hurry.” Snoops voice was low and overlapping with barks. “Through the gate. I can’t keep it at bay much longer.”

Tom scrambled to his feet and hurried through the gate, when Snoop came flying through the air. He slammed into the ground and lay motionless.

“Snoop!” Tom ran to him, and the Beast jumped him with a roar. It howled in pain as it pushed through the gate. The protective spell lit up and sparkled. It slowed the Beast but didn’t stop it.

Tom’s hands were wet with sweat. Everything had gone wrong. Sally was gone, and so were Mr. Jake and his ghosts. And Snoop was hurt. He could see blood pool under the dog’s head. Tom no longer cared one bit if the Beast got him too. He had lost everything he loved. Gently, he picked up Snoop and carried him into the house. The Beast followed in slow motion, fighting Mr. Jake’s weakening spell every inch of the way.

14 thoughts on “Can You Leave Us Breathless Blogfest”

  1. Thank you for participating in Can You Leave Us Breathless? Blogfest Contest. Your entry has been judged.

    Good luck!

    The Judges
    (Connie, Joannine, Marissa, and Brenda)

    1. Cat says:

      I’m looking forward to the results.

  2. CeCe says:

    Sehr interesant! quite emotional. Nicely done.

    1. Cat says:

      Nice Germany! Thanks and glad you liked it.

  3. Ellen says:

    Well done! I like how you conveyed the action, and I enjoyed the world you set up in the short amount of space allowed.

    1. Cat says:

      😉 Thanks.

  4. Lissa says:

    This sounds like it’s part of a riveting larger fantasy. I’d sure be interested in learning more about this world.

    1. Cat says:

      It is a snippet of my current RiP (Revision in Progress) and I’ll start shopping it around after NaNo.

  5. Shilpa says:

    This was nice! The tension of the find and Tom’s losing battle came out well. 🙂

    1. Cat says:

      I rewrote this scene at least thrice. So thanks for the compliment.

  6. Great build up of suspense. Your characters are interesting, too.

    1. Cat says:

      Thanks a lot too.

  7. I love it. ….”A tendril of mist”….Nice:-) Good luck!

    1. Cat says:

      Thanks a lot for liking it. I’ll get round to the other entries tomorrow since I’m still officially on holiday tonight.

Leave a Reply to Cat Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

If you comment, we will store the data you provide to ensure that your words are atributed to you.
We will never pass on this information to anyone.